flotsam & jetsam (3.11.08)

A conversation at the beginning of the day. I am making my famous peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (with twice the amount of peanut butter and jelly required because that is the way I would like it) for the kid's lunches. Jay, age 12, is bent over the fridge reaching for a sealed plastic container of diced peaches.

"Dad, you didn't buy the right one. We told you to get the little metal tins."

"Well, I...."

Lauren, age 15, interrupts, "And you didn't get the right kind of applesauce either. You bought the store brand and we always get Motts."

Don't these kids know that just last night I was solving all the world's problems and being sought out for my well-crafted advice on sticky community and church issues? I had stopped at the store on the way home from a late meeting at their mom's request--a selfless hero. But it doesn't take much for me to see where I really fit in the world...right to the back of the lunch making bus, baby. If we let it, the mundane routine of the day will keep us in our place like that...relentlessly. In other, less important issues...

Groothius echoes some of the thoughts of Kevin Bauder recently on the development of Christian scholarship, and hits another home run with this post on a theology of listening. Try adding silence to your order of worship and see how long the congregation tolerates that.

Bet comes up with her own list of reasons for "Why I Don't Read Your Blog." She's got a really good list here and hits on a couple of my pet peeves...dark backgrounds, long posts (I am guilty sometimes), arguments to no end, etc.

This is painful reading...a guy thinks he threw his MacBook Air out with the trash.

Europe and unbelief.

"Go away!" Sometimes the best advice for would-be comforters.

Comments

[pgepps]

the bit about the MacBook Air is priceless. :-)

I very much doubt Apple minds that review.

[Champ]

Your blog stirred discussion at our house today. The disagreement swirled around what is truly the best way to make a PB&J. Let's try to keep these blog discussions less controversial.

[AndyB]

I consider it a good thing, albeit non-character building, for the kids to be concerned about such trivial things. I find that if the excuse of, "This is how I make 'Papa's WORLD-FAMOUS' whatever! Don't you want 'Papa's WORLD-FAMOUS' whatever?!" If that doesn't work then its best to resort to the wisdom of Mr. Parker in "A Christmas Story": "[You'll eat your food] or I'll give you something to cry about!"

I really liked the Kipling piece. He nails it.
On the one hand it's natural to want to lighten the load of a friend's or loved one's pain but on the other that pain is natural, healthy and must run its course. There is rarely anything that a well-meaning friend can say to a victim that will remove the deep-seated suffering, depression and overwhelming feelings that it's not too late to change reality. However, there is plenty that may be said that could make matters worse (certainly recoverable from but unnecessarily worse.)

Time, not thy ne'er so timely speech,
Life, not thy views thereon,
Shall furnish or deny to each
His consolation.

And

E'en from good words thyself refrain,
And tremblingly admit
There is no anodyne for pain
Except the shock of it.

Pain is not the issue. As a matter of fact the pain should be welcomed. Imagine what life would be like without experiencing pain from loss.

Of course this is assuming normal pain. Abnormal pain and suffering requires a more professional hand.

[AndyB]

These "I don't read your blog" posts have pretty much ruled me out as a blogger. I might as well not waste my time!

Of course a lot of those were pretty good though. Who doesn't want to pretend to be a pundit?!

I wouldn't mind seeing a post about "The 10 reasons why I don't care if you read my blog".

[jon]

Pete: and Newsweek is going to buy him a new one to boot!

Champ: there is only one RIGHT way to make a PB&J; don't tell me you have relativists over there that think just any old slather will do. You should only be able to get a half dozen or so sandwiches out of a jar of jam and 18 oz of peanut butter. That includes liberal amounts of knife licking between swipes.

Andy: YES! And when there is complaining I will also tend to add something like, "I am just a miserable failure of a dad, am I not?" or "Now my life is meaningless," or some such thing. It doesn't seem to help.

Transition to serious...you can speak to the issue of pain and comfort with credibility. I am all ears.

[Emma]

"Pain is not the issue. As a matter of fact the pain should be welcomed. Imagine what life would be like without experiencing pain from loss."

Andy has said this to me several times over the last twelve months - each time I've thought to myself "Life would be a heck of a lot easier than it is right now, Mr. Philosophical!" (That's the cleaned up version...)

I know what he means, but until now I hadn't heard this bit... "Of course this is assuming normal pain. Abnormal pain and suffering requires a more professional hand."

Thanks for writing that bit Andy. >:o)

Sometimes the best thing to say is just nothing; unless the words come from a journey traveled before you. I appreciate that many people want to lighten the load and take the pain away, but sometimes there is nothing at all that can be said - Until thy feet have trod the Road...

Does that mean that peoples concern/advice is unwanted? I don't think so. But if that concern comes littered with such well meaning phrases as "Time will heal" "It could be worse" "Look at what you have!" "At least you still have/didn't lose/can still (insert extra words here)" it really doesn't help at all. And intrestingly, the people who have traveled the road before you never seem to use any of the aforementioned phrases.

[jon]

Thanks for your thoughtful words, Emma.

[Robben]

Okay Jon, I must disagree with you about the pb and j sandwiches. On one point, we definitely agree...you absolutely must use a ton of peanut butter. However, you don't double the jam cause that just takes away some of the peanut butter taste.
We haven't taken the members class yet and we are really hoping to join New Hope. But we must get this matter settled first. This is a really sticky issue.

[jon]

Robben,

I will grant you the thinner spread of jam in every instance save one, that of the jam which is of the rasberry variety. In this instance, a slim covering of jam will simply not do, and I find the thicker the fruit the better the loot...so to speak. It simply must be dripping off the edges of the bread. Now there are more issues to bring to the fore...jam, jelly, or preserves? And if you really want sticky and peanut butter...how about a cup of honey on top of Jimmy Carter's finest? What kind of bread shall we use? And what do you stick your knife in first, the jam or the peanut butter? This is critical, as you are going to leave either jam in the peanut butter jar or peanut butter in the jam jar...which residue do you prefer? Yes, I can see this is going to be one interesting Newcomer's Class.